I'm done

 I lay here in bed

my head swirling with thought

The alcohol has taken control 

for me I am not

I bounced ideas 

like a basket ball

Like that convoluted echo 

sounding down the hall

I twist the words 

Yours and mine

I make them what I want 

Or what I seem to need at the time

I can't help but be negative 

It's all you have shown

This world that is yours 

You've made.it.your own

I break and I shatter 

No matter the matter

Steel or stone

I am broken to the bone

My soul has faded

Long evaporated 

I can only embrace 

Embrace the suck 

I take it all in 

and.blame it on luck 

I pull the handle 

On life's commode 

Flushing myself 

Like a turd from the chode

Flush away the stank

Flush away the corrode

I won't be gone 

But my absence will hold

My body lie rotting 

In a forest of shit 

I can't help but

.pray for it

Worns take my flesh 

Shrooms take the rest

I'm forver.gone

And that's for the best 

Back at it

Its been a while but I felt I needed to write so here goes......

When I tripped I tumbled
When I tumbled I fell
As I fell I fumbled
Into a personal hell
The hole was deep
The fire was hot
I cried and I weeped
I'm something I'm not
It sounds confusing
Trust me I know
Oddly amusing
If your watching the show
I am slowly tormented
Beaten and bound
My soul slowly fermented
As my prides on the ground
I wish to wake up
I beg it a dream
What was in that cup
Magic koolaide it seems
I never awaken
But I fight my way out
Don't be mistaken
By my screams and my shouts
I'm taking my life back
One fight at a time
getting the things that I lacked
Listed all in a rhyme
I keep it in my head
For only me to see
I refuse to be dead
Now my soul is set free

rust on my soul

I'm awake
But my soul still sleeps
Comatosed and stuck
In a nightmare for weeks
Days and weeks
And months on end
Its stuck there alone
With no one to tend
It cries and weeps
For it knows the past
The things it has broken
The stones it has cast
It can not run
For the chain is tight
Theres no use to bother
No use to fight
If you pass by the door
And hear it shout
Please break it free
Please let it out
Remind it of change
And things done good
Things it did right
When it knew it should
Break it free from its bind
Wash away the rust
Teach it to forget
And teach it to trust
With someones help
Im sure it will be fine
Just a little help
From your soul to mine

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A dream a fight a smile a laugh a tear... it all comes rushing in like the tidal wave from a tsunami. As I struggle to comprehend the meaning the waves beat me further into submission. I bite down onto the thickest part of my hand and suck in the pain. I tremble as I tumble swirling convoluted thoughts. My head swells so big the pounding will not stop. I floss the edges, polishing them to shine. Without the physical, the mental won't unwind. Is this it? Is it where it's supposed to be, how it's supposed to feel. All I ever wanted was a taste of something real.

Who knows?

Who knows the answer to all my questions? I sit and I contemplate I run ideas and scenarios through my head until I just want to sleep. The problem is the unanswered questions keep me awake. At this point I am not sure if I'm looking for the answers to my questions or the questions to my answers. What if, when, why, where, how, who, what time, with what......... the list goes on. I can't say why I am writing this for sure I just sat down and started letting my fingers run wild on the keyboard. Can you tell me why I am typing this? Is it some deep part of my inner being that I have no control over? Is it the boredom? Or is it that I just want to see  if anyone is listening?